Monday, 17 October 2016
Something that has been on my mind recently is the feeling of love. I am someone who has never been in a relationship and I don't know what it is like to be loved by someone who is not a family member or a friend. I have never had a boyfriend or even experienced a proper first kiss with a boy. I am twenty years old and sometimes I can't but feel like is this normal to have never been in a relationship and experience the love from another.
Now I'm not saving myself or waiting for the right guy. I'm not even going out and looking. Even on the nights out. I may say I'm on the pull but deep down I just want a good night. I'm kind of a shy quiet awkward person. I feel nervous sometimes in social situations and feel like I'm not what a guy is looking for. I'm not a perfect body good looking fashionable woman. I'm sort of your average looking chunky woman who wears comfy clothes.
Most of the time though I'm happy being single because I've spent twenty years being single and it's what I'm used to. I don't know anything different. If I'd been in a relationship before maybe I'd feel slightly different about being single. However there are times where my mind wonders what it would be like to have a boyfriend. Someone who texts you, spend time with being all cuddly with and do things together and loves you. I do wonder it and I've seen countless movies and read books which makes me imagine me in those kind of situations. Yet that is probably a very high expectation. I've heard all sorts of stories about relationships and I've even had people tell me that I'm lucky to be single so I don't have to deal with relationship problems.
Yet I do have moments where it does bring me down. Hearing about people going from relationship to relationship or how people are in relationships and seeing there pictures of their dates and them just being happy.
I have questioned the thought that maybe I won't find love. Maybe I am one of those people that will probably never find love but you can never really tell because you never know what will happen in the future. I have to admit I thought maybe in University I'd meet the love of my life but that's looking unlikely. I've also had countless crushes on guys but I've never expressed my feelings to them because I'm scared of rejection or I'm scared I might ruin a friendship and they'll want nothing to do with me afterwards. I suppose in a way I am afraid to take a risk and just say how I feel to a guy I'm crushing on.
Anyway, I suppose I'll just have to wait and see what the future holds maybe my first love will be the man I marry. Who knows? At least I have family and friends who love me so that's better than nothing.
I just thought I'd share with you guys my thoughts and feelings on love.
I'll be back again soon with another post.
See you soon.